My Predictions For The Year 2009

First, I am not a psychic.  Secondly, I can be fairly irreverent.  So here are my predictions for what we can expect in the year 2009 in no specific order:

1.  The infrastructure stimulus package will be passed at a whopping $1 trillion in cost.

2.  McCain and Obama will join forces and finally pass an Amnesty Bill.

3.  The illegals who have run back home due to our falling economy will return and bring many more with them since they can get amnesty and will have plenty of jobs working on our infrastructure due to stimulus package.

4.  Obama closes Gitmo and towards the end of the year, Russia sets up a base on Cuba and Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez becomes co-shadow leader of Cuba with Vladimir Putin.

5.  The Fairness Doctrine passes targeting only radio.  Several conservative local shows go under but XM and other satellite radios take off as well as short wave radio because people want conservative talk.

6.  Unable to pass stricter gun laws on law-abiding citizens, Obama passes a gun and ammunition tax that makes it nearly impossible for Americans to arm themselves.

7.  During the summer, terrorist groups who have come through our porous borders attack mid-western cities with chemical weapons and bombs.  Obama wets himself and then gives a strongly worded speech.  Shortly thereafter, the terrorists make an attempt on his life.

8.  The nuclear proliferation limits that the world has tried to place on us will be embraced by our new government and they will start dismantling nuclear weapons.  The missile defense systems will never be put into place.  Russia builds up their nuclear arsenal.

9.  Terrorists attack again before the end of the year hitting malls during high traffic Christmas gift buying season.

10.  The stock market continues to yo-yo and ends down again having lost another 20% by year end.

11.  Unemployment rate reaches doubt digits even though Obama saves 2 million jobs.  I’m thinking about 12%.  The 2 million jobs are in the green market and most employees receive large paychecks for changing light bulbs and vacuuming out vent systems.

12.  The year ends the coldest yet and the polar bear population doubles again.

13.  Pam Anderson falls into a pen of wild pigs and suffers irreparable boob damage.  (Sorry I needed a little comic relief about now.)  She vows to get back at them by eating bacon every morning.

14.  The second Great Depression begins and appears that it will be worse then the first as Congress and Obama continue to throw money at the problems.

15.  Chrysler, after asking for money again, goes under.  GM stays afloat with another bailout. 

16.  By March the original bailout needs to be bailed out because all the money is gone and more companies have come begging.

17.  By April the infrastructure bailout needs a bailout because more cities and states falter.

18.  The only thing that keeps the dollar from completely dissolving in 2009 is that no country’s currency has any real worth.  Bartering starts to be contemplated.

19.  Nancy Pelosi’s latest plastic surgery goes horribly wrong.  Barney Frank must now speak for her as she writes what she wants said.

20.  Hillary Clinton brokers a peace deal with Israel and the Palestinians.  Two days later Israel shoots down an approaching nuclear bomb supplied by Iran.  The Israel/Iran War starts and broadens into the Middle East War.

21.  The Freedom From Religion Cult lobbies for a new First Amendment and gets it passed stating that there is now really a separation of Church and State and only their religion, er I mean ideaology can be displayed publicly.

22.  Universal health-care is implemented.  Hundreds of doctors decide to become Light Bulb Changing Engineers because the money is better.  Americans now go to Canada for health-care.

23.  Obama raises middle class taxes because sometimes “he’ll do things that seem wrong at first” and the middle class now pays 40% income tax.

24.  Along with the above, Obama starts a new federal pension plan program that absorbs everyone’s IRAs and 401Ks and a new 2% FICA tax is added to our tax burden.

25.  America wakes up towards the New Year and realizes what they have done.

26.  I sail away to a remote tropical island. 

Please add your own because I know I must have missed some of the psychic brainwaves.  Or maybe I got some of them wrong?

2 responses to “My Predictions For The Year 2009

  1. Irreverant? You? Puhleeze. I think you hit quite a few of them spot on kiddo. I particularly like No. 26 and may seriously consider that one for myself. As for adding anything to this, I predict the razor-sharp investigators over at National Enquirer will break the story of Michelle Obama’s sex change.

  2. Oh you are an evil one, Linda!🙂

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